


Live in the Now

by This-is-my-otp (Zetalial)



Series: Tumblr Elricest ficlets. [8]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22896994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetalial/pseuds/This-is-my-otp
Summary: Al's got his body back, but sometimes he still struggles. Dealing with feelings isn't something either of them are much good at.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric/Edward Elric
Series: Tumblr Elricest ficlets. [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1475240
Kudos: 49





	Live in the Now

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr. 
> 
> Sorry for the lame title. I wrote this on Valentine's day and it's a little angsty. Also why is describing rain so hard? The best bits are the parts with Ed of course. I should just write pure dialogue in the future. Vague timeline - I guess it fits more as a Post-Promised day piece but I always imagine 03 Ed and Al when I'm writing.

It rarely rained in East City.

That was why Alphonse stood, staring upwards at the grey sky. He felt the chill drops, fresh as they fell in a constant rhythm. Streams of water ran down his face and through his hair.

How long… had it been? Since he’d felt the rain on his face. 

Surely, it had rained in the months since he’d acquired his body? He vaguely recalled complaining about bad weather. But had he ever stopped to appreciate it? Had he ever when he was just a boy? Of course not. It wasn’t anything special back then. Only in loss did he realise the value of some things. 

Alphonse looked down, wiping his face, brushing away the water even as more soaked his hair. Though it was cold, his eyes felt unexpectedly… warm. 

He blinked, feeling empty. And he mentally berated himself for it. He knew very well that that was far from the case. He would never be empty ever again. So why did he still sometimes feel so lost? So trapped? So lonely?

Alphonse had so much more now but his longing for more had never quite left.

He didn’t feel much like standing anymore so he slowly lowered himself to the ground, heedless of the rain, or the damp floor of the alleyway he’d sequestered himself in. He was alone so who cared what he looked like?

He blinked some more, but nothing could stop a hot tear from rolling down his face. More soon followed. 

Distantly, he heard footsteps and he turned himself away, tugging his coat more tightly around himself protectively. He couldn’t bring himself to get up. And nothing was likely to stop the tears.

A hand landed on his shoulder. Al flinched. But it was a gentle pressure and he could feel the warmth of another body crouched beside him. A familiar one.

“Alphonse,” Edward murmured softly. “Brother, I’m so sorry.”

Al didn’t move. He waited. 

“Al?” Ed spoke, after a long pause. “Are you… alright?” 

“-Wait, that’s a stupid question, never mind. Will you speak to me?”

Al continued facing the wall even as the question was like a dagger to his heart. He’d been shutting his brother out for weeks now. But he couldn’t find the words to speak.

“Well I guess not,” Ed said wryly and Al could easily visualise the empty smirk on his brother’s face. Ed used dark humour as his shield, Al knew, to hide his fear.

“You’ll listen though, right? You’re not going to run away again and keeping avoiding me-“

“Shut up,” Al snapped, a brief burst anger giving him strength, keeping his voice from breaking. “I’m not running away, I’m…”

Al broke off, not sure how to finish the sentence. He didn’t want to deal with these accusations though; he didn’t understand.

“I don’t want to fight,” Al continued, softening his voice, trying to keep the shudder out of it. Did Ed realise he was crying?

“Sorry,” Ed said, again. “I didn’t mean it - earlier.”

Ed, with his usual mercurial nature had been frustrated with Al as he’d refused all of his suggestions. Ed didn’t understand why Al had been avoiding him. Finally, Ed had accused Al of not caring about him at all.

In retrospect, it wasn’t even that harsh by Ed’s standards - he often spoke without thinking. But unwittingly, the words had struck true. What did Ed really think of him? Did he even like him anymore?

And Al had run off to be alone with the rain. To clear his head, to brood. Why did the person dearest to his heart have to be the one he was most likely to hurt? How could he say anything? How could he do anything with him when any day he’d ruin it all? 

“I-I know,” Al said, and this time he couldn’t keep his voice from shaking. 

He hated to think his brother knew he’d been crying. Ed would blame himself when it was his fault for being so weak. Why did he have to be so emotional now? It had been so much easier when he couldn’t feel anything. 

And so much worse, he reminded himself. 

He sighed, leaning back into Ed’s frame, deciding just to enjoy the simple sensations of pressing his head into his shoulder, heedless of the rain still soaking them both. What was the point of worrying when he forgot to appreciate the simple joys of living? He was lucky enough to have a heart so why did he have to fear it getting broken?

Ed adjusted himself accordingly, settling himself down on the ground, ignoring the damp, and gently held Al - each of his hands placed lightly on each of Al’s arms as Al leaned back into his chest, enjoying the moment.

It was a curious mixture of very nice and very uncomfortable. Ed was not very soft (and he wouldn’t dare point it out but he was smaller than Al) but his touches were gentle and his body was warm and his presence soothing. It was extremely wet too but at this point, Al was soaked to the skin and the extra water was barely an annoyance. The ground was hard and uneven but he wasn’t about to get up. He could feel Ed’s breath against his neck and- and he found himself finally relaxing.

“So why’d you have to come out into the rain?” Ed asked. “I’m getting wet,” he added jokingly.

Ed’s voice was light, not too probing, but it was really an invitation to share what was really bothering him.

“Rain is good,” Al answered carefully. “It hasn’t rained like this in ages.”

“Hmm?” Ed paused, as if taking it all in. “I guess? I never really thought of it before.”

“So, you feel better out here?” He continued. 

“No,” Al replied, honestly. He felt tired suddenly, tired of running away. His eyes had dried at least. “I feel better when I’m with you.”

“You’ve wanted nothing to do with me,” Ed said warily.

“It’s… safer out here. Things are clearer, simpler. But not good,” Al attempted to explain.

Being trapped as a suit of armour, free from pain, sickness or ageing - it was safe. It was simple, without having to deal with his needs or turbulent emotions - his natural temperament was far more like his brother’s than most realised. 

It was also terrible. It was empty and lonely, unable to properly experience things or take pleasure in the simple joys of living. Unable to feel the rain on his face or the warmth of his brother’s hands on his skin. 

For too long, that was what he’d known and a part of himself was still afraid. Afraid of living properly. 

Al turned himself around, finally allowing himself to look Edward in the face. Ed had such an expressive face, with bright yellow eyes that were sometimes fierce but usually softened when he looked Al. Now, Ed’s face was lined with confusion, and a little surprise.

“I adore you, you know. You’re amazing - coming out to look for me even though I’ve been distant and you hate the rain.”

Ed’s gaze slipped from his - uncomfortable at the sudden praise - but Al tilted his face up with one hand, until Ed was meeting his eyes again.

He had such lovely eyes. 

“The truth is, I want to be with you forever, you’re the most important person in my life and I love you.”

Ed was speechless. He stared at him in shock, not having expected such a statement, cheeks reddening.

Al hadn’t expected himself to say it either. He suspected he was blushing as well. “And it’s selfish for me to demand so much from you and… I don’t really know the extent of these feelings either. It was easier to avoid you than risk hurting or alienating you.”

“Alphonse,” Ed murmured. Suddenly he was being hugged, strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him in, squeezing him tightly. He gasped, quickly returning the gesture.

“You could never push me away. I will always be here for you. Never forget that.”

Al didn’t know how long they sat there for, holding each other. But by the time they’d finally stood up, the rain had ceased.


End file.
